hush

here's a secret:

I don't know if teaching is the right choice for me.


and I'm sitting here at work tumbling all of this confusion and all of these thoughts around in my brain that I want to let out, but I know if I say anything, no one will really understand. So I'm here. that's honestly my favorite thing about this place, is that when I'm absolutely freaking out, in a way that I don't think I can talk about, I can come here. The current dilemma is as follows:

I'm in grad school. spending 25,000 dollars to become a teacher.

I'm at a point where I picture myself only teaching until I am able to be a photographer full-time.

that seems wrong and wasteful. but at the same time, teaching is the safer choice.

I'm starting to think that it would be wiser to leave now than to keep going.

right now I'm 6,000 dollars deep. that sucks, but is it worse than graduating with an additional 30,000 dollars in debt only to teach for the minimum number of years?

I told Branden that I'm scared. I told him that I don't know if this is the right choice. He told me to take a chance on it.

but now I'm at a place where I don't feel like I'm allowed to not like it. so that sucks.

I feel like I'm in a funnel, and at the end of the funnel is me being a teacher for ever and ever and ever.


I need to center myself, and remind myself that teaching is a really really great job if I'm going to be a photographer.

and at the end of the day, even if I do stop teaching to be a photographer, I would only doing that if I was making at least as much from my business as I was as a teacher, so I'm sure branden would be okay with it.

I don't know.

my stomach's in a knot, and I could throw up. My head is spinning. I don't know what to do.