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Today is Friday, and I couldn't feel more thrilled about it. First of all, it is a very relaxed day at work. What I've done so far today is research what phone I should get next, look up flights to Florence, and create a detailed packing list. After work, I'll go shopping briefly, *FINGERS CROSSED I FIND MY WALLET AT ROBERTS*, and then I'll get ready for the black button holiday party, followed by laser tag. Honestly, I haven't had such a fun-sounding Friday planned since undergrad! This night is extra special because starting Monday, I'll be a full time grad student again, meaning I'll have shockingly little free time. Hopefully, however, this job remains chill so I can do all of my homework here and not have to worry about doing it at home. Further, I did some writing yesterday and want to copy paste it here because why not. really, I might write a book someday. I'm just really lacking a lot in the creativity department lately but whateves.

The sun was high in the sky, and it smelled like city. Like hot tar, some kind of food, faintly of garbage, but with the vaguely salty scent that lets you know you're near the water, even if you can't see it. Aria felt a bead of sweat drip all the way down her spine as she pushed the button for apartment 3A, her arms full with a thrifted PINK duffle bag, purse, keys, phone, and a box of plants. Quickly, a blonde female opened the door. “Hey! Let me get that - I’m Jules,” she said sweetly as she carefully took the box of plants. “Hi! Aria. It’s nice to actually meet you!” “Honestly, you couldn’t have come at a better time. Rent is so expensive here, we were dying to find someone, and it was getting bad,” she laughed - “The only people we were hearing from seemed to be certifiably sketchy, or an actual registered sex offender.” “Wow,” Aria chuckled, “I’m glad I found you too! It was definitely time to get out and start somewhere new, you know?” “Absolutely. Well, let’s get your stuff and we can go way deeper with some air conditioning and wine.” They climbed the stairs together. Kind of steep, definitely dusty, but Aria couldn’t help but imagine that at one time, this building would have been magnificent. The detail was everywhere - in the molding, the builtins, the banister - and this was only the stairwell. With some love and sweat and tears this place could be amazing. They climbed up to the 3rd floor, took a right, and entered apartment 3A. “Welcome home!” Jules said. Aria paused and took a deep breath. It was small, the appliances were smaller, and there was what appeared to be a mouse trap just hidden out of view. But it was hers. Well, hers and Jules, and gabby’s. And of course it was rented. But she was starting over, and there are no words to express how good it felt. The apartment had huge windows that let in tons of light, and tall ceilings. The wood floors were old and marked-up, but real and lived in. Outside the windows was a view of brick, trees, and just faintly, the sun. this was definitely a lucky find. Jules opened a door right off of the living area, “this is your room! It’s the smallest but it definitely has the best view.” Aria stepped inside and her eyes widened. It was perfect. It was tiny, but she didn’t have a lot of stuff, and she had a large, rounded window that opened up right over the pier. “Oh my God. You can see the water!” Aria could already picture in her head, billowey sheer curtains (only 12$ at target) and just enough room for a queen sized bed and her dresser. This is exactly what she needed. She opened the window and breathed in the scent of the salty breeze. “I know we don’t know much about each other yet Jules, but the last two years have been hell.” Aria laughed. “This is perfect.” 

Followed by a truly personal letter to my most loved: 

I love you. 

I feel like I say that too much, but at the same time, there is no limit to the number of times I could say it and still feel like it doesn’t suffice. I love you so much, and I’m so thankful to be doing life with you. You have supported me so endlessly, and I’m so thankful. But right now, I’m scared. I’ve never really felt this before, but lately, I’ve been really scared of moving out to Madison. I’m sure it’ll be amazing but I’m just really nervous that it’ll feel like I’m stranded away from everyone and everything. I’m afraid I won’t be able to do photography because there just aren’t enough people. I’m afraid that once we move my life will just become this repetitive, endless wake up go to work go to sleep routine that I’ll never be able to get out of. It’s terrifying, and I love you. Both of those things are true. I’m also afraid of teaching. I always was so sure I would make it as a photographer, as a blogger, as a writer, or something like that. But now I’ve committed to a career in potentially the least exciting field ever. I’ve always imagined myself with the beautiful home office, the busy yet exciting lifestyle, being able to do what I love for the rest of my life. Now here we are. And I’m terrified. I’m scared of a lot of things lately I think. Change is scary. And I like it here. I like being in the city with you. I like feeling like we’re young and still figuring things out. Moving and getting a house feels so settled and I just don’t think I’m ready for that. I want to stay here. I love our apartment. But I’d even love to get a new apartment - one with laundry and two bedrooms. One that we could have our first child in - and a kitten! I feel like if we stay out here in an apartment, we stay young. And I know youth - or a lack of it - is not something you worry about. You’re so sure of yourself, and your choices. I have a hard time with it though,  and I just need you to understand that those kinds of changes are going to be really hard for me. I love you. Just hold me when I’m hurting, or confused, or dealing with something I’m having a hard time understanding. 

Thank you for loving me so well. I hope I can love you well right back. <3 font="">

Okay. that's it for now.