Undecided

i'm so happy. but at the same time my heart hurts... In my extraordinary joy, the walls of my heart crumble like a sand castle when the tide rises. I feel like i could fly... but at the same time i feel like i'm falling apart. with my confidence, is confusion. with my love, is hate. with my joy, is jealousy. with my faith, is fear. with my along with my passion, is a feeling of not caring. or giving up. where there is life, there is a feeling of lack. lacking life. lacking love. lacking passion, joy, faith, and confidence. but at the same time, i feel sooo alive. i feel so confident. i feel no fear. I feel passion......... and i don't feel jealous. there is no hate... there is no giving up. It is such a weird feeling....... in one way, I absolutely love this feeling, but then again, i wish it would just leave me alone.... get away and stay away...... no, come to me and stay with me.... I hate you..... I love you......

~i am undecided~